Sorry Lord I did it ... AGAIN!

Just the other day, I was sharing my personal testimony with people at a furniture and home appliance store in Pietermaritzburg. Later that day, I was just reflecting on the grace of God in my life over the years. What stood out for me as I reflected were the different victories I had won under the guidance of the Lord. Among those victories was a victory over a habitual sin which had become a part of me for a long time. This sin kept me bondage and I prayed the same prayer over and over again; Sorry Lord I did it again. I felt so guilty that sometimes when I had not done it, I would say the same prayer. I mentioned in a previous post (Godly Sorrows) about a sin that was holding me back from doing the will of God.  This particular habitual sin was masturbation. I struggled for years with it, praying to God to get rid of it (sometimes in tears); yet it remained. I was genuine, but was using the wrong key to open lock for my freedom from the chains of slavery. As I reflected on this the other day, I heard the Lord say: "you are not the only one". Now this was not a statement to comfort me or give me permission to start doing it again, I do not need that because I have conquered this struggle. God was challenging me to share something with the body which has been disregarded and sometimes incorrectly addressed. This is not about masturbation, this is about habitual sins. That sin that you just can’t seem to get rid of. The one you have not told anyone about, you wonder what people will think of you if they knew. We do not all struggle with the same sins, but they all have the same remedy... God! In this short blog post, I hope to share my experience with you, so that you may be inspired to fight and win this battle. As I mentioned, the sin you struggle with might not be the one I struggled with; but I want you to read the following words with an open heart in regards to that particular sin.

 I was genuine in my prayers to God to get rid of the sin. I didn't want to live with guilt and shame anymore. I would feel terrible every time I did it, so much that I would not be able to talk to God. The problem with this was that I prayed and after praying wanted to overcome the sin with my own strength. I would go for a while without doing it, but after 2 weeks I would slip and fall. I would try again, harder this time; and make it for a few months but I would fall again. This was a cycle that led me to either: justify why the sin is not so bad after all or give up on ever being able to resist it. Let’s say you had a tree that was bearing bad fruit and you wanted to solve this problem, you have 2 options; you can pick all the fruits on the tree and wait for the next ones to grow in the next season or you can cut the tree right down to the roots and plant another one. Most of us use the first option, and it solve temporarily. The tree will produce the same fruits the next season. I would propose that we take the second option, this permanently solves the problem. Picking the fruit brings no change; it’s only a matter of time until the fruits (behaviour) grow again. Cutting the roots deals with the roots (heart). Good intentions are not enough; you need the power of God to change you from the inside out. The truth is, the closer we are to God, the more we are like Him. Ultimately He has the power to deal with sin, not us. If it were so, then Jesus wouldn’t have had to die on the cross. The key is to maintain a consistent relationship with God. As you draw near to Him, the scripture that says:"for God is working in you, giving you the power and desire to do what pleases Him" comes to pass. Notice that it does not say that it is "Sello" working in you, because he can't.  God is doing the work, you do not have to toil. It also says that He gives us the desire and power to do what pleases Him. As you stay close to God, the more you want to please Him and do all that He commands.

 As I conclude, two precautions: call it what it is ... SIN! Not; "oh it's just my weakness". Do not hide behind the statement: "It's a process". Although this might be true, a process is something that you actively work towards. If you believe that it is process, do your part by drawing closer to God. The same way a driver’s license will not magically appear in your wallet/purse because you simply prayed and never started the process by getting your learners license. The power of sin is in its secrecy. Before David's sin was exposed, he says his sin was "ever before him"; he had not repented and therefore could not be helped. The moment I told someone about it; I knew was headed towards the right direction. I am free now, no more shame and guilt. Talk to someone who will pray with you and keep you accountable to the process of freedom from this habitual sin. I am only a phone call, whattsapp message, email, fb inbox away. God has the power to break bondages and when he said "it is finished", he meant it!

 

God bless all of you. Hope this was helpful...

Stax of love packed in my heart for all of you!

Sello Mmane